Part of the reason why it's been hard to get an update out is because I was struggling on what to say. I was trying to find a way of saying "things aren't going great" in a way that wouldn't make me look bad. While God has blessed me with more permanent housing, a one year visa that I can work on, and cool classmates and church support here, things have been more or less frustrating for me.
For about the last month I've been depressed and frustrated. I've been struggling about what my exact purpose is here, and how to do whatever job I am here for. Add to that a little culture shock and some things I am actually seeing a counselor for, and the constant rain, and you have a sad Josh. Part of me was in denial that I am actually having a hard time melding into Kiwi culture. I thought:
"No way man! I've been to other places that are a lot more extreme, for a longer period than I've been here already, and still it took at least six months for me to get a little home sick!"
I actually didn't want to let any of you, my supporters, know that I'm seeing a counselor for personal reasons because it would make me look less like a holy cultural missionary than I wanted to look. Which is a stupid idea really, because I didn't budget for a counselor at all.
Visa stuff took longer (and more expensive-er) too, which threw my budget off even more, and now I have about 50 dollars in my bank account after paying rent this week.
Honestly the worst thing is being so far away from the church community that I grew to love so much more over the past three years. I loved you all so much, I would go to like 3 services a weekend some times just so I could say hello to more of you.
So now this is my repentance post for being a block-head and not letting you know how I was really doing. I hope all of you can find it in your hearts to see me as a human being.
Yours truly,
Joshua
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